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There hasn't been much in this community, so I'd rather be lame than quiet...

This might be lame, but what's with all the backhanded I'm making a post that is related to a previous post, but in no way reflects on the poster who posted it crap lately?

I agree with sadienotsandy that said that this is a lame attempt to say, "OMGZ abuse is wrongz!" without having to name names.


I have to ask this question. I'm genuinely curious about it.
The following is in the context of a man and woman involved in a relationship with each other.

Is there a difference between a woman losing her temper to the point of throwing something, then when a man does it?
Is it different when a woman slaps or hits her partner, than when a man does it?

My overall thought on this is:

a) Both are equally abusive and inappropriate

and

b) If you dish it out, you'd better be prepared to take it.

I know of some women that slap or punch their husbands when they're angry at them. Not just a playful cuff on the shoulder but a full out slap or punch in the face. I can't help but think if it's okay for her to hit him, why is SO wrong for him to hit her?

My personal rule is no projectiles, and no raising a hand to my partner. In turn, I will not tolerate it toward me, by him. I also make a habit of not getting in my partners personal space when we're having an argument. I know it makes me uncomfortable to have an angry person too close to me, so I make sure to give the same courtesy back, and keep my distance when I'm upset about something.


And it's essentially referring to this post and this post.

Text:

I got into another fight with the hubby today. It was another that could have been potentially like the last.
But I think I found a solution.
When I get angry, I tend to throw things. We know this now. Instead of doing so, I say to him,
"I kinda feel like throwing something" In the most calm voice I can.
He looks at me, smiles and laughs a bit. He says, "I would rather you hug me, if you must do something with your arms!"
Then we smiled and hugged.
Problem solved. I just need to be more verbal about these things apparently.
:o)


Text:

Oh man. I had a big blow out with the hubby the other night.
It was bad.
It started out with him wanting to go to this gaming thing all day on Saturday. I told him it was no problem. He even asked me to go along. I haven't had too much time with him lately, so I did go. That isn't the problem.
We get home, and we're talking before, what I thought, going to bed. I ask if we can have our cuddle time, He says he has to get online and talk to one of the guys that was at the gaming thing. I sat there kind of amazed... I asked him, "are you joking?" (He has a very dry sarcastic humor that I can't even tell sometimes) He looks back at me and says "I don't think I need to answer that." That got me angry. Okay, so I go from the living room into the bedroom. He comes in to get his slippers on and I ask him again if he was joking, because I didn't want to be angry if I didn't need to be, and if he wasn't joking, how long he would be. I was REALLY trying to keep calm about all this too. He responds with, "I don't need to answer that, you know the answer." This goes on for 5 min or so, and then I got REALLY angry. I can't stand this 5 year old kind of response. This could have all been over and done with by then! I throw a pillow at him and walk out of the room and sit in the other room to calm down (my heart felt like it was about to pump out of my chest at this point!) I just wanted some time a lone at this point then. He comes in and asks why I am acting so childish, and I tell him I can't talk to him right now. I just needed an answer and he wouldn't give it to me, and I didn't want to go crazy, so give me sometime to catch my breath. He didn't of corse. He starts telling me that he can do whatever he wants to do, and doesn't have to answer me all the time, especially with such "dumb" questions. I ask him again calmly if he could just please answer me, and this would all be done. I needed some closure. He said no. I went nuts then. I threw a laundry basket and slammed the door. He told me if I did this again, he was "sending me back to America" WHAT!? Am I a shirt that doesn't fit that he can just "send back" This is seriously how I felt. So I of course, do it again. Then he starts yelling something, and I go for a walk. I ended up going to his parents house after this and talking to them. His parents are completely great. I told them that I know I didn't react the way I should have, and that I was embarrased, and he couldn't possibly love me anymore. They told me it wasn't that bad. I just needed to go back home, and they would even come with me if I wanted. I started feeling more stupid. I told them I get these panic attacks, and I have been really trying to control them while pregnant, because I don't want my blood pressure to get too high or anything... but sometimes he eggs me on.
When I got home, my hubby was asleep. I woke him up, and the first thing I said was that I was sorry. Then I told him how I felt, and that I didn't appreciate his 5 year old apporach to a simple question. He told me he wouldn't do that. I told him how I want more time with him, how I feel the computer is really getting in the way of US, and I need help with my panic attacks. (I don't want to go on medication again...) He told me that he can help me out, and that he will try not to use his humor when I haven't had much sleep, and realises my hormones are really crazy right now!
The thing is, we haven't really had any problems like this lately. I really haven't had any problems with panicing or anything. But for some reason Saturday was really bad. I feel horrible for how I reacted, and I don't know how I would really do it any different if put there again. I'm just glad that he realises that I need help in this, and he doesn't need to egg me on anymore.
Oh, and for the record... He was just joking. :o)



Like anyone was REALLY going to say, "Yes, abuse is okay for women. Oh and I beat my husband."

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
ladyinred667
Dec. 1st, 2006 02:33 pm (UTC)
Gotta love those passive-aggressives.

That last story? The husband sounds like an immature asshole.
empressmiaka
Dec. 1st, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
That's what I thought too, but alot of people were saying that she needed to not be so petty.

I wouldn't throw things or hit him, but damn would I have yelled about it. lol
dani_oso
Dec. 1st, 2006 03:35 pm (UTC)
I hated that post's guts. Really, I took issue with the "if you can dish it out, you can take it" mentality. Equality isn't that men and women can beat the shit out of each other, I thought? I thought it was, you know, no one should beat the shit out of their partner, regardless of gender.

Ugh, it's so trashy.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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